They prey on the weak

When I was younger I was INCREDIBLY self-conscience.  I truly had not an ounce of self esteem.   I am not sure why, I look back on my middle and high school pictures and I wasn't overweight ever (except a few months in sixth grade).  I was 5'8", 125.  I was even a fairly attractive girl - I had creamy white skin, blonde hair, blue eyes.  I never had acne problems or any other weird skin problems, I was lucky.  I had some good curves going on too.  I developed pretty early, I remember the day in sixth grade when muffy and buffy (yep I named them) came out to play with me.  So truly I had no reason to think I was ugly and fat EVER.

There was a problem though...  Acceptance was VERY hard.  I lived in a very rich community yet my family was far from being rich.  We weren't dirt poor, I mean we had a home and I was sufficiently fed.  When you grow up in a place where all the girls have designer brand clothing, you tend to feel poor with your consignment shop clothing.  Even in high school we had more money and I could go to the cheap shops in the malls for clothing once a year.  Not having money made me an outcast.  I did not fit in with the rich crowd, and essentially when they learned the value of money in middle school they dropped my friendship faster than you can say cat.

SO being the outcast where the cool kids don't like you really takes a toll that popular kids don't understand.  Every child longs for acceptance more than anything in the world, and when they don't get it an ego can be completely destroyed.  Mine was.  Especially because the kids I went to school with not only dropped my friendship, they became mean.  I remember this one time in sixth grade where one of the "cool" boys asked me to the school dance.  Of course it turned out being a mean joke the girls wanted to witness.  How could a guy like that want to take a girl like me (yeah because I was So disgusting?) to a dance.  Stuff like that really hurts when you are trying to find yourself.

So I became a super depressed young teenager.  I started hating everyone - I mean if those girls I knew for ten years dropped me like that, then everyone must be out to do the same thing.  My parents really never understood what I experienced at that age, and quite honestly they did not help me through those hard times.  Pretend the bullying doesn't happen.  Denial is not just a river mom and dad.  This caused me to turn to the rebels.  It was easy being accepted by them.  They didn't care how much money you did or didn't have.  They didn't play mean jokes on me.  They knew I was a weakened lost sould that needed attention from SOMEBODY.

The first group of rebels were not so bad.  They were only a few years older than me.  They smoked cigs and drank and dabbled in pot, but that was it.  But - for some reason I was not dating material to any of them.  This hurt bad.  Every other girl had a boyfriend (even my fat friend, not like that should matter but at that age where I grew up it DID), what was so wrong with me that made it so boys did not like me?  I still look back at it now and don't understand why I couldn't get a boyfriend that was my age...  One of those wonders of the world.

Seeing as my group of rebellious friends had no interest in dating me caused me to go to yet another group of rebels.  This time though not high school aged boys even.  They told me they were nineteen, and I know now they were at least twenty-two and some older.  It seriously disgusts me thinking how a 22 year old man thinks it is ok to hang out with a 15 year old girl.  But the way I see it -- they were disgusting, no-good, filthy, dirty, scummy, desperate, pathetic excuses of a human being, and they saw my desperation and they flocked to it.  They knew it would be easy to pursuade a weak teenage girl to have sex.  Those type of people (and yes I am referring to sick and twisted sexual predators) pray to whatever it is they believe in for girls like me to cross their paths.